‘Can U read? R U dum?’ My daughter was asked online when a playmate discovered she is home educated. ‘Can you read?’ An off-duty teacher asked my 11-year-old at our local archery club, then – ‘Do you have friends?’. The checkout lady at the supermarket declared, ‘Poor Thing!’ when my daughter explained why she wasn’t in school that day. And ‘What’s seven times nine?’, quizzed the old guy we see when we walk the dog.

It’s nice to know that all these people care about my family and my kids. But it’s also a bit darned RUDE to ask all these questions. Do mainstream school kids get asked questions like this everyday? I’m guessing that they get asked occasionally, but every flipping day? Please, just stop!

And the comments? Let’s look at those one by one.

We’ve made some BFFs from chance meetings, and have been given the coolest opportunities by random strangers (want to come and help film an ITV drama series, kids? – yeah, that really happened)

Can U read? R U Dum?

This one actually makes me laugh. It made my daughter laugh, too, which is how it came to be immortalised here. The irony is strong in this one. Looking back, I’m wondering if this was written by a real kid ( would they even care?) or a 40-year-old bloke up to no good. 

Can you read? Do you have friends?

This was asked by a teacher, on a Sunday morning, at an archery club, where our whole family were doing a beginner’s archery course. The fact that the teacher waited till I was shooting and not in the immediate vicinity to ask these questions tells me three things. One, she was concerned for my daughter’s welfare. And that’s kinda nice to know if I’m honest. Two, that she felt uncomfortable asking in front of me. Which could be because of the welfare concern, but could also be because she sensed it was actually none of her business. And three, that she was stuck in closed-minded, prejudiced and illogical thinking. I mean, we’re at an archery club for goodness’ sake. I don’t think we looked like preppers, so how much more middle-class could our choice be? And she could watch us interact, talk with the kids, and could even have asked me questions, which she chose not to do. Rude. 

Poor thing!

This one is pure, unadulterated, prime obnoxious behaviour. What possible basis does it have? That my daughter was in the supermarket and not with other kids her age at that exact moment? We had just left a skateboarding meet-up where the kids had been playing, chatting, teaching, learning, laughing, colouring, sharing, talking, helping, playing, showing, telling, but of course, she decides they are ‘poor things’. Well, got to go, lady, we’re on the way to horse riding now with another set of friends, and then off home for a nice, healthy home-cooked meal and some more playing before baths and bedtime stories. 

What’s seven times nine?

This one was the old guy we’d see out dog walking. Let’s just add ‘giving them maths tests’ to the list of things you shouldn’t do with other people’s kids. In what world is this ok? If my 10-year-old started asking him for a list of his credentials, would that be ok? Is it normal to stop people you are barely acquainted with and give them a maths quiz? How about general knowledge? Sex education? Do you see where this is going? It’s just inappropriate. While I understand that meeting Home Educators is a bit intriguing, please remember your manners and refrain from whipping out an IQ test in the middle of the woods.

Boundaries

When you choose to Home Educate, you do have to grow a bit of a thick skin. People will ask questions and they will judge.  But don’t let this put you off. We have also met some of the loveliest people while out and about. We’ve made some BFFs from chance meetings, and have been given the coolest opportunities by random strangers (want to come and help film an ITV drama series, kids? – yeah, that really happened) and so many more people were positive about Home Ed than negative. But the truth is, my kids didn’t choose Home Ed – I did. And it isn’t fair to hold them accountable at such a young age when you don’t know their circumstances or what difficulties they may have faced. So, feel free to ask me anything, but just let my kids be kids. Thanks!